is this normal?

I have a wedding folder on my desktop. It has sub-folders for the table settings, dress, bridesmaid's dress, gifts, flowers, locations, color combinations, themes, cakes, invitation designs, etc. Is this embarrassing? Should I keep this to myself? Until recently, I have. I only know a few other people who also have this and they are even more anal about it than I am. People think it's weird. I don't, but it does embarrass me a little because I have no plans on actually getting married in the near future. I mean, I already have the date chosen, so hopefully life just works out perfectly, but today, at this moment, I am not engaged and don't really think I'll be engaged any time soon. Is this normal?

I know what I want. I have a very specific vision in my head. I don't think I should be judged because of that. I watched the Kim Kardashian wedding special and she seemed like a total bitch. Completely materialistic and a little psychotic when things didn't go her way. I don't want to be a bridezilla, but I think people should give brides a break. Girls do dream of this day for most of their lives and if they're smart they have a folder full of ideas and samples on their desktop...Guess I'm just ahead of the curve. Jealous?

Sneek peek for everyone who is wondering...

lady looks like a dude.

I've been thinking about shaved heads a lot lately. Maybe because I watch trashy reality shows (ahem...the real world) or maybe because it is breast cancer awareness month. Sam, the girl on The Real World who I'm referring to is an interesting character. She is a lesbian who considers herself "one of the guys", has a deep voice and a shaved head. At first glance, she really does look like a male, but is so gentle and feminine in her actions and the way she responds to situations. Quite the complex character. Well done, MTV. Anyway, back to her shaved head. It looks awesome. She has a little bit of hair on top that she spikes, naturally. I know I've written about pixie cuts before and truly wonder if I could pull the look off. We'll never know because I don't have the balls to go through with it.

This past Sunday, I watched my sister run the Chicago Marathon. I teared up a few times, watching swarms of people strut their stuff in honor of a loved one, running for a cure, raising money for organizations or just running for themselves. My sister does it to prove to herself and the world that she can. Plus, she enjoys running (freak). While cheering for her on the side of the road, I came across several groups of women with shaved heads who had recently done it during a charity event that's purpose was to raise money for breast cancer research (similar to St. Baldricks, I assume). Some of the women were older and looked as though they could have grandchildren, but I spotted a few young women and I mean young. They couldn't have been more than 17 or 18. I know that's not that much younger than me, but it shocked me because it obviously takes a lot of courage to shave your head at any age, but to be so young and do something so selfless is incredibly powerful.

It was nice to see, but kind of made me feel like shit at the same time. I could never shave my head. No matter what the cause. I'm selfish and I like my hair too much. Does that make me a bad person?